Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
