living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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