come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize