apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize