Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
