if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
