you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
