chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
