I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
