He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You took a bar mat shot.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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