then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize