My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
