come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
vagina is talking i cant
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
