How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
