This is not my ceiling
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
