I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
