Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
