you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
