I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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