I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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