when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
They are going to name an STD after you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize