I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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