the condom got lost in my hair
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
