Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
