Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
