there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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