he puts the penis in happiness.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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