my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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