I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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