I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just found puke in my bra..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
