I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
