it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize