I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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