Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
