I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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