my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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