What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
this is an emotional support booty call
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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