No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize