hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
