Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
