do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
