3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
People in love make me want to vomit
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
