oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
