There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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