3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize