Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
