I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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