Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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