I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
