I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
