Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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