I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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