Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
