He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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