screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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