White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
