I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
