Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
