The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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