I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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