I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
