So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I love you. Go after that dick
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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