she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
