I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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