I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
