So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
