Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
