hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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