Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
