I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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