Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
